Sometimes

Beginning lyrics to a song that came to me while driving home tonight on 47.

Sometimes

I think about

how you looked

walking up the stairs.

And sometimes

I wonder why

you didn’t call.

But…

Sometimes

I remember all

the little reasons

it wouldn’t work

through all the seasons

but still…

Sometimes

I think about

your funny laugh

and that day

in the bath.

And sometimes

I see that look

that you gave me

but…

Sometimes

I remember all

the little reasons

it wouldn’t work

through all the seasons

but still…

Sometimes

I’m not quite sure

if I lost you

or you lost me

or exactly where

I’m supposed to be

the clouds move in

the sky grows dark

the curtain falls

……..

[not sure of the remaining lyrics]

The Great Circle

Many cultures think of life as being a great circle. I believe there are many little circles that are contained within the great one. Today I completed one of those: my marriage has come to its end after 4636 days.  And to paraphrase T.S. Elliot, it ended “not with a bang, but a whimper.” Appropriate, I think, because it started with such a bang: the wedding reception was one that folks still talk about with fondness. Ironic, because after a year of negotiations we stood in front of the judge for less than 10 minutes.

On New Year’s Eve, I climbed Mt. Sugarloaf in S. Deerfield (twice actually in less than an hour) to mark the end of 2007 and beginning of 2008, a “year of new beginnings” as I called it then. And it has been, starting with that very night itself in Northampton. There have been good beginnings, along with some sad and all-too-abrupt endings as well. But I feel that I’ve been learning from each and every circle, and things are improving.

I feel energized and calm at the same time, a very optimistic combination. After getting home from the courthouse, I grabbed the unused bottle of champagne from the fridge and joined Matt for a tour of his new home. After some grocery shopping, I went for rollerblading for full hour. It felt great. Then I showered, changed and grabbed the camera gear for a hike up Mt. Sugarloaf, where I took tons of photos of the sunset and some long-exposure shots of Sunderland and the bridge in the twilight.

My thoughts about future relationship needs and desires are gelling and becoming clearer, as well. It’s helping me focus my energies in that part of my life, as well as allowing me to feel very comfortable with being on my own for the foreseeable future.

First Things First.

Life Perspective

I’m headed to Family Court in just over 2 hours. Debbie is seeking “sole physical custody” of our kids, along with child support and “reasonable visitation” for me.  It’s a surreal feeling that I’m experiencing right now.

Meanwhile, my friend Matt and his family will be closing on their new home and taking possession of it this morning. As they’ve been preparing for that, over a million people in China have been evacuated from their homes because an unstable earthquake-related lake threatened to flood areas downstream should its banks collapse.

There’s a real balancing act at play in the universe. I hope it finds a fair equilibrium in Greenfield this morning.