Ch-ch-ch-changes

Picking up where I left off with yesterday’s post, I’ve started reading an interesting article in the latest issue of “Psychology Today” called “Adieu to All That.” As you might guess, it’s about endings in life: jobs, relationships, death, marriages. It’s definitely relevant to my life right now. But I’m not sure I agree with all of the article’s statements.

“We remember only a small percentage of life’s events, yet beginnings and endings (two sides of the same coin) are far easier to recall than muddled middles. Because they are among the relatively few crystal memories we sustain, final impressions are enormously influential in shaping our life story.”

I don’t buy into the idea that we remember beginnings and endings any better than individual events “in the middle” of things. In my case, I feel like I remember the latter better than the former. Specific moments in my life stand out much clearer than the processes of beginnings or endings, almost as if they were snapshots capturing all five senses (or six, if you include emotion as a sense).

“And the [life] story flows better when it is capped by closure–the subjective state that denotes a memory that is no longer emotionally charged. Memories are “open” when recollected with great feeling and “closed” when they don’t conjure up much passion, however dramatic the original event may have been. Open memories are the ones we still struggle to understand. We think about them often, and see them as relevant to our current lives. Closed memories, on the other hand, don’t haunt us. The are truly past.”

It’s always been interesting to me when I realize consciously that a memory has become closed as described above. I wonder what’s changed in myself and my circumstances to enable that memory’s transition. By the same token, I think I spend more time wondering what hasn’t changed about myself that keeps certain memories open and able to trigger strong emotions. Perspective has a lot to do with it, apparently.

“University of Arkansas psychologist Denise Beike finds that it’s not how you end something but rather how you remember it that ultimately counts. Her research shows that dwelling on open memories decreases self-esteem while increasing self-awareness. […] Closed memories, on the other hand, free people to pursue other goals, because they aren’t bogged down in the past. Closing more of your memories is even good for physical health, Beike says.”

PBS had (maybe still does) a series of ads during the kids show that were about having perspective, and ran with the tag line that “it’s all in how you look at it.” Perspective, and the ability to keep moving forward, seem like important mental tools to have in your bag of tricks.